Think back to 4th grade science class. Being the independent goody good you always are, you decide to let the kid next to you copy the answers. (You are also a humanitarian.) NBD. Four days later you are confronted with a big, fat “F” at the top of that paper, while the other kid receives a B+. Your premature mind may have thought “well, hey it was just a 10% homework assignment grade…”, but looking back nostalgia would report your swagger as being jacked. RING THE ALARM.
Swagger-jacking is society’s modern version of plagiarism, copying, stealing the lightbulb, etc. It’s become more evident nowadays with shows like “Jersey Shore”, where repeating someone’s catch-phrase is like writing verbatim Charles Darwin’s “Theory of Evolution” without proper citation. Ron-Ron juice we forgive you, but Pauly D’s spikes may not.
Today’s workout is dedicated to help you overcome this unoriginal feeling. I’d like to think all my lab/group partners from the past will have justice served to them in the form of unemployment or jail bars. (Too harsh? I think not.) Picture a swagger jacker’s face during these exercises, and at least those endorphins will be satisfied…
2. Million Dollar Baby Speedbag. Hilary Swank makes boxing a better defense mechanism than using your purse to injure an attacker. If you have a makeshift pillow or stand alone speedbag, feel free to beat until your heart’s content. Can be done sans equipment. Stand facing front, feet facing front as well. Bend down into 45 degree angle and lean over towards floor just a bit. Elevate arms so right is over left or left is over right horizontally. Separate both arms about six inches a part. Now begin to slowly rotate one around the other until you can work yourself up to an ideal speed. Repeat for 30 seconds.
3. Jackie Chan Front/Side kick. You have a few different options in order to bring out your inner ninja force. You can either perform this at a quicker pace or make moves more calculated. Start out facing front. Punch forward with right arm, right leg, switch to other side and repeat. Turn to right side, kick out right leg and jab right arm. Repeat on left. You can combine all three and make it one rep (cardio enhanced)…or perform all three separately. (more of a resistance training style) 1 minute at least.
4. The Rugged Punch-Up. This move is performed with feet placed on an incline. Feel free to use chairs, tables, stepstools, pillows, etc. By propping the legs up and over, you are already beginning to work your abdominals. With this move you are not only doing a sit-up, but upon reaching the top you are punching as well. Basically you will crunch up, then punch right and left for 6-8 times and come back down. Do 25-30 reps.
5. Cardio Coordination Beast. The best move for last! This is a great move to end with because it will peak your heart-rate and enable you to work your upper/lower body muscles at the same time. Start out facing forward hands either raised (as pictured) or down at side. Quickly do a 180 towards the back wall. Gain your balance and quickly kick back leg out then pivot forward and kick opposite leg worked front, while punching forward. If you start out kicking on back left, you would be kicking front with the right. Get it? Do however many minutes you’d like.
Now that you can arm yourself with not only knowledge but moves that kick butt, your swagger is copywritten. If anyone tries to mess with your style, let them know they are the copy machine and you are the original document. Ink will begin to run down their faces ruining their face value and revealing their cowardice, while you are preserved confidently in a museum.
Peace, love, and swacking!