sfairesphobia: fear of balls (according to answers.com & Yahoo Answers)
Flashback to the days of circuit training, volleyball, and flag football in gym class. While most of my “teammates” (jocks that I HATED) yelled, “GET IT!”, “HIT IT”, or “CATCH IT”, I was fleeing like a rabbit before the Chernobyl disaster. These balls screamed “DANGER” and ever since I had seen The Brady Bunch and Marcia’s nose swell to the size of a guava after trying to catch the football with the wrong body part (oh that Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!), I began to take precautions…which gradually developed into an ALL. OUT. FEAR.
I have never been an all-star athlete, I always considered myself more of a Daria. (not in the combat wearing kind of way, but in the “I have more important things to be doing”, *yawn* kind of way)…or maybe I just loved her “la, la, la, la, la” intro music…
Flying balls and all, I somehow managed to make it out of high school unscathed and now the experience has come full circle, as I now can add semi-professional “balls” maker to my resume.
These arose out of my oven kaputting on me. They are no-bake and make for the perfect insult to literally shove down someone’s throat. (“HAVE MY BALLS!”, “TAKE MY BALLS!”…or my personal favorite, “EAT MY BALLS!”)
Did you really believe you’d read an entire post without some sort of phallic or out of line reference? Accept defeat and EAT MY BALLS:
For both recipes the only kitchen appliance you’ll need is a food processor.
- 1/2 small package (about 1 cup) of pitted dates
- 1 cup chocolate chips
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 2 handfuls of peanuts (or almonds if prefer)
Personally, I think these taste perfecto without added sugar. Dates are naturally sweet, but if you feel so inclined to add, go right ahead!
- Place dates, nuts, and vanilla extract in a food processor and process until everything is chopped into small bits and thoroughly combined.
- Put mixture in a ziploc bag and add chocolate chips. Smash together until chips are well blended into the mixture.
- Break off heaping teaspoon size pieces and roll into balls.
Can be stored in fridge for up to 3 days max for freshness!
Sugar Cookie Truffles
(adapted from The Village Cook and another Foodbuzz publisher)
- 2 cups vanilla wafers
- 1 cup sugar
- 1/2 cup walnuts
- 1/3 cup butter, melted
- 1/4 cup milk (or almond milk)
- 2 teaspoon vanilla
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup flour
- Place wafers, sugar, and walnuts in food processor and process to fine crumbs.
- Pour crumbs into mixing bowl, add in melted butter, milk, vanilla, salt, and flour mixing on low until all ingredients are fully combined. Mixture will look like raw cookie dough.
- Roll tablespoons of dough into balls and then roll cookie balls in sprinkles. EAT!! Store in fridge if you have left overs.
I made both for a church event bake sale and came home with way more than I expected. (There were only about 15 people that showed up and when they did they weren’t interested in balls, cookies, or muffins! Obviously these people are aliens disguised as humans. So…more for me!)